


Just a Place We Have to Settle For

by PoliticalBloodTea



Category: Animorphs - Katherine A. Applegate
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon, Character Study, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-03
Updated: 2020-08-03
Packaged: 2021-03-05 21:42:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,091
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25682230
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PoliticalBloodTea/pseuds/PoliticalBloodTea
Summary: The arrival of a Marco from a universe just slightly to the right of their own gives the Animorphs insight to Marco that he never wanted them to have.
Comments: 15
Kudos: 62
Collections: Animorphs Mini Bang 2020





	Just a Place We Have to Settle For

**Author's Note:**

> This the first story, fic or original, that I have completed in three years. Thank you so much to the organizers of the Animorphs Mini-Bang who got my ass in gear. Amazing art by [midnightziege!](https://midnightziege.tumblr.com/post/625477621791260672/heres-my-piece-for-the-animorphs-mini-bang-it) Bonus art by [acavatica!](https://acavatica.tumblr.com/post/626290992937648128/another-piece-i-did-for-the-animorphs-mini-bang)
> 
> I also made a Marco playlist awhile ago that was meant to be about our Marco, but the more I wrote and listened the more it became about this different Marco. You can find it [here](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLiPIgDdh6XUAilM1Vvxw3AXLV4mtb2yB6).

The heat was crushing. The room was filthy. My brain felt like it would explode. I wasn’t sure if I was going to live long enough to see my dad again.

Trapped inside on a Friday afternoon with hot sunlight pushing its way through my dirty windows and making my room uncomfortably warm, hunched over a notebook was not where I wanted to be. I blame Jake entirely. He’d called a meeting to discuss possible intelligence gathering missions.We hadn’t heard a hint of new Yeerk activity in almost two weeks and our fearless leader was getting antsy. Don’t tell him but I felt the same way. Quiet Yeerks are not good Yeerks. That wasn’t what I blamed Jake for. I blamed him for the timing of the meeting resulting in me being trapped in my room working on an English paper. Normally I wouldn’t care but I was one D away from failing the class and I didn’t want to deal with the look on Jake’s face if I did. A great combination of “this is my fault” and “summer school takes away from time as an Animorph how can you be so selfish?” He’d never say that, of course, but it was all there in the eyebrows. The Furrow of Righteous Suffering. I hated the FoRS. If I could just turn in a completed paper I knew that I was smart enough and Mr. Hanson was lazy enough to at least give me a C.

I didn’t notice the sudden decrease in air pressure in the room, but I did hear the soft pop behind me. I turned around to face a nightmare: myself with short hair gelled into spikes, wearing a shirt with the Sharing logo printed across it, holding a Dracon beam. 

Looked like the Yeerks were done staying quiet. 

Whatever was standing in front of me looked just as shocked to be here as I was for it to be in my room, but it recovered quickly and abruptly raised its weapon at me. Stupidly, instinctively, I put my hands above my head like I was facing down a cop. Luckily, wonderfully, that gave me enough time to realize that playing dumb was the only way to survive the next few seconds.

“What the hell!” I yelped. Pathetically. Not loud enough to alert my dad that there was something seriously wrong up here. I wanted him nowhere near whatever this thing was. “Who are you? How did you get in here?” I kept _very_ still in case that trigger finger was feeling itchy.

The thing had a question of its own that made my blood freeze. “Is this some Andalite trick?” it demanded. Yeerk association confirmed. 

“Wh-” I rasped, throat dry from the adrenaline coursing through my veins, I swallowed. “What’s an Andalite?” I asked.

“Where am I?” it demanded. Stalemate. We were both unwilling to answer each other’s questions. My arms, still above my head, were beginning to feel heavy but I didn’t want to lower them. My choices here were very limited. I could keep playing dumb but that wasn’t going to get me far. This thing was still in my house with my dad and that was a situation that absolutely could not continue. I could try to surprise it and tackle it to the ground but I knew it would shoot me first. I’ve never taken a Dracon hit as a human and I didn’t want to find out what it felt like. I could try to morph but the thing would probably _still_ shoot me and then run to Visser Three with its confirmation that the Andalite Bandits were actually a stupid bunch of pimply teenagers.

Downstairs the doorbell rang and I suddenly remembered that Jake was supposed to meet up with me so we could head to the meeting together. Things were about to get a lot worse for everyone in the house. I had to figure out a way to warn Jake before he came up here. My dad called out to tell me that it was Jake at the door and I heard Jake’s footsteps start heading up the stairs. Every step was like the tick of a countdown clock. Time was running out and I had no idea how to stop the impending disaster.

To my surprise, the hand holding the Dracon beam wavered for the first time. “Jake? You know Jake?” It actually sounded hopeful. I didn’t have time to reply, time was up and Jake was right outside the door.

“Please don’t shoot us,” I whimpered. What a wuss. But great at buying time. 

Jake had opened the door in the time it took the thing to refocus entirely on me. And, bless the big guy, it only took half a second for him to take in the scene in my room and slam the door shut behind him.

“What’s going on, who are you?” Jake demanded in the same voice that had made us hop-to so many times. 

“I already tried that,” I said, letting my voice sound thready. Hopefully Jake would catch onto my play dumb plan. 

Something changed in the expression of my stolen face and its shoulders sagged like Jake had just disappointed it. Jake’s eyes darted worriedly between me and the thing. He hadn’t seen the thing’s face yet, he had no idea what level of truly bizarre he had just walked in on. The Dracon beam lowered first to its side, then the thing turned around to face Jake and Jake didn’t even have to fake his gasp of surprise. It ignored the sound and slowly lowered the weapon all the way to the ground, I finally let my arms fall to my lap but my body remained tense. It kicked the Dracon beam softly across the carpet towards Jake, who didn’t even look down when it bumped against his shoe. My heart rate lowered from cardiac emergency to just alarming.

Very slowly it turned around to face me.“I know this sounds crazy,” my Yeerk copy said, “But I don’t think I’m in Kansas anymore.”

Keeping up my dumb and scared act I said, “You came in here with a freaking gun and now you want to joke around?”

“I don’t think I’m in my universe anymore,” it said slowly like it thought I was dumb. Good.

Jake gave me some kind of hand signal that I chose to interpret as _Keep it talking I’ve got a plan._ I hoped I was right. “Don’t give me that scifi crap, man! I’m going to call the cops.” Behind the copy Jake’s face was elongating and his hair was turning grey. Wolf. Great choice to take someone down quickly in a small space. I wanted to kiss his genius face.

I hadn’t made a move toward the phone on my desk but the copy lunged at me like I had and it wanted to stop me. It froze before it got too far, but my heart rate skyrocketed again. “Don’t,” it said instead, actually looking desperate. “If things are like they are where I’m from the Yeerks own the cops.”

Wary of a trick I said, “Andalite, Yeerk, speak English man.”

“Aliens,” the other Marco snapped, abruptly losing patience. “Nasty little slugs that crawl into your brain and take over your mind. Does the word Animorph mean anything to you?”

Crap crap crap crap. I felt my back prickle with sweat. Behind it, Jake had almost completed the transformation to wolf. As soon as he was done he could pounce and hopefully - for my dad’s sake, quietly kill whatever this thing was. But if the Yeerks knew about the Animorphs that was just the start of our problems. In my panic I wasn’t able to keep myself from blatantly looking at Jake. The other Marco whipped around quickly and laughed at what it saw. “Oh thank god,” it sighed.

I shrugged off the scared and dumb act like a heavy coat. “I don’t know what you’re laughing at, Yeerk. You’re not getting out of this room alive.”

“I’m not a Controller,” it snapped like I had offended it. I looked slowly and pointedly between the Yeerk’s Sharing t-shirt and the Dracon beam still on the floor. Jake was fully morphed now so I felt very comfortable with my safety. It huffed like it thought I was actually dumb. “I’m undercover. I used to be an Animorph.” It demonstrated its point by letting a wave of course brown gorilla fur wash over its arms. I felt almost possessively irritated that it would dare copy _my_ gorilla. Jake growled a warning and it quickly morphed back. “Calm down Big Jake, I’m just giving a demonstration.”

I was totally lost. Maybe it was right about me actually being stupid. I couldn’t figure out how this could be a Yeerk angle, no matter which way I turned it. “What _are_ you?” I demanded.

It grinned in a feral way that reminded me of Rachel. “I’m pretty sure I’m you, just a little different.”

* * *

We made it out to the clearing in the woods in time to meet the others. I was morphed as an osprey and had a mouse clutched tightly in one talon, careful not to do any actual damage. Jake hadn’t even needed to point out why we needed to keep this other Marco alive, but of course he had anyway. 

“We have a problem,” Jake said bluntly when everyone was assembled. 

<I assume this means that Marco _hasn’t_ brought me lunch?> Tobias joked.

Jake gave me a nod and I fluttered down to the forest floor. I didn’t let go of the mouse until I felt it start to demorph. “Everyone just stay calm and let him explain himself.” Jake said. I didn’t like that he called the other Marco _him_ . I thought I should be the one to decide what pronouns it got and it was still an _it_ as far as I was concerned. As soon as its face emerged out of the morph Cassie gasped, and Rachel actually growled. Ax’s tail twitched over his head in an alarming way.

“What. The hell.” Rachel said.

“Thank you for summing up the situation beautifully as usual, Rachel,” it quipped. Rachel might have growled again. “Calm down Xena. From what I can tell this is an alternate universe than the one I’m from. In _my_ universe you guys are the Animorphs and I’m undercover as a Controller.”

“This is not the time to be cute, Marco.” That was another thing. Jake called it Marco like he actually believed its stupid story.

It sighed like it was inconvenienced by having to explain itself to a group of teenagers and an alien who could all kill it in various ways if we wanted to. Good thing we had left the Dracon beam back at my house, shoved under the bed. Let’s hope dad didn’t get any spring cleaning ideas while I was gone.

“You all know Visser One is in my mom?” it asked, and Cassy nodded sympathetically. I didn’t want it to continue with this story. The story was actually believable from where I stood. This other Marco said he split from the Animorphs right after being captured on the Pool Ship. It said it decided the only way to save its mom was to leave the Animorphs and go undercover as a Controller. I didn’t want to admit how I had considered the very same thing, I didn’t want the others to know that it was an idea that I’d had. Having this other Marco around was like someone had broken open the lock on my diary and was spreading the contents around school. 

I tried to keep this side of myself away from them. It was one thing for Rachel to be psycho, it would be entirely different if they all knew how calculating I really was. If this other Marco really was telling the truth then they would all know how easily and selfishly I could have betrayed them back then. 

Now? I don’t know. I hope not but I don’t know.

“Alright, back to mouse,” I said once it had finished its story. Without hesitation it began the morph again and Tobias helpfully grabbed it this time. I was grateful that he didn’t make another joke about lunch, I was almost actually starting to think of this other Marco as a real human, even if I wasn’t quite ready to accept that he really was me.

“We need to figure out how he got here and how to send him back,” Jake said, looking around at all of us like he expected us to start suggesting answers.

“Do you think this is the Ellimist?” Cassie asked.

“Could be,” Jake admitted with a half-shrug, “but we don’t know anything for sure and if he’s telling the truth he doesn’t know either.”

<Prince Jake, why are you entertaining this idea? This is clearly a Yeerk ploy.> Ax stated, tail still tense in a way I didn’t like.

“To do what, Ax?” I surprised myself by asking. “See, I’ve tried to wrap my brain around it and I can’t think of a single way this makes sense. If the Yeerks know we’re all just kids then why do this and not just grab us from our beds? Visser Three is not the subtle type.”

<No,> Ax agreed, <But Visser One is.>

“Okay, so what’s her angle then?” Ax didn’t answer me and his main eyes looked away. He was stumped and didn’t want to admit it.

“We need to set up a watch schedule,” Jake interrupted. “Just like you guys did when I was a Controller. The only way to know for sure he’s telling the truth is to make sure he’s not a Controller. That means we need to be on top of him for the next 72 hours.” At least the next two and a half uld be easy, but Sunday night when we were all expected to be home and in bed before school the next day was harder. We couldn’t ask Ax or Tobias to sacrifice two nights of sleep. I tried to volunteer to fake sick and take the last watch, but Jake had somehow known that I had a crucial paper due on Monday. Cassie volunteered instead. Her parents were out of town for some animal conference and wouldn’t be back until Monday afternoon.. After that the schedule fell quickly into place. 

Great. Everyone would get alone time with the human version of my diary.

* * *

It was hard to keep my mouse heart from pounding out of my mouse chest. Animal instinct recognized that I was trapped by a predator, and my own brain knew that I was trapped by someone who had very little reason to keep me alive other than Jake said so. Also I was flying hundreds of feet above the ground. Neither me or the mouse liked that. In my universe I didn’t have much use for bird morphs and I wasn’t used to flying. Luckily I knew Tobias was a skilled bird.

In a surprisingly short amount of time I was put down on a dirty floor. When I de-morphed I saw that I was to be kept in a shack that looked like it was about to fall apart. This must be where they had kept Jake when he was a Controller. I had missed that story in my own universe. I knew something was badly wrong when I realized that Jake at school was actually Ax in morph, but he had refused to give me any answers when I asked. Ax was definitely my least favorite. He treated me like he suspected I was actually joining the Yeerk’s side. His Andalite piety couldn’t understand my selfish motivations.

I asked Cassie what was happening and when she told me I almost abandoned my mission. I had only attended a handful of Sharing meetings, I wasn’t on anyone’s radar yet. I could drop out, drop my plan, and go right back to the Animorphs. I expected Cassie to welcome my help with open arms but she’d surprised me. “We’ve got this covered,” she had said. “You need to do what you need to do.” I couldn’t decide if I was glad then or angry that Jake had made me tell everyone exactly _why_ I was doing what I was doing.

So I had spent three useless days going to school and acting like everything was normal, attending Sharing meetings like my palms didn’t sweat when Tom approached me and asked me if I thought something was up with Jake. Then it was over and the only way I knew things were back to normal was when Jake gave me a nod in the school hallway. We still hung out in the beginning, to keep up the appearance of being normal, but Jake didn’t want to share any details with me in case the worst happened and I was made a Controller. Bad enough that the Yeerks would instantly know the identities of the Andalite Bandits, worse if it was in the middle of a mission that got sabotaged because of what I knew. Eventually as I got deeper into the Sharing and began life as a fake Controller Jake and I had naturally let the friendship between us fade away. All we had now was a business relationship.

Jake had claimed first watch, naturally. If I were stupid I might think he and I were alone out here, but I knew that at least one or two others were posted in the woods around the shack in case I escaped. We’d spent most of the time with Jake grilling me for information that might be useful in this universe. Unfortunately, it seemed like both our universes were on the same time frame. There was nothing I knew about that hadn’t happened yet in this universe, which I could tell deeply frustrated Jake. If this was the Ellimist’s work and he wanted either of us to discover something we needed to know we haven’t found it yet.

“Do you really think I’m a Controller?” I asked.

“If you are, we can’t take the risk,” Jake replied.

“Okay, but what do you _think_?” His answer felt very important to me.

Jake shook his head. “No, I don’t think you’re a controller.”

I was relieved to hear it, but I was also annoyed that he could be so trusting. “Why not?”

One corner of his mouth tipped up into a smile and his eyes were warm brown. “Because I know Marco.”

I was silent for a long time while I processed that and tried to figure out what to say. Having someone who knew me like that, in any universe, was almost too big to handle. And I couldn’t admit it meant something to me or that I felt something without starting to think about what I was missing out on back in my universe. Jake broke the silence for me.

“How’s Tom?” Jake finally asked instead. He tried to seem casual but I could see the clench in his jaw. I don’t know if he hoped I would tell him Tom was still a Controller or that they had managed to rescue him. I don’t think Jake knew either.

“Still infested,” I stated simply, ripping the bandaid off as quickly as I could. Jake’s jaw briefly tensed even further, but then he nodded, accepting. I was glad I told him that. It’s easier knowing there was nothing you could have done. I knew Tom was still infested in this universe, Jake needed to believe there was nothing he could have done differently in order to continue to be an effective leader in this universe. I was happy I could provide that.

* * *

Rachel had the next shift after Jake, her mom had taken her sisters to Something On Ice. I think this was the one meeting I wasn’t dreading. From what I could tell Rachel was the same in every universe. Scary. Smart. Beautiful. Willing to rip off my balls if I twitched a finger in a Yeerk-ish way. It would be a nice change from the crushing weight of Jake’s leadership.

Rachel sat on the dirty floor across from me, just like Jake had done, and mostly glared at me for the first hour or so, never taking her eyes off me. It wasn’t that late but I pretended to sleep anyway, I didn’t have the energy to have a conversation with her because I had already had it when I left the Animorphs in my universe. Rachel knew I was faking but didn’t insult my intelligence by calling me on it, she just started speaking.

“So if you’re not a Controller then explain it to me.” She said, without even a hint of friendliness. She practically barked the sentence at me.

“No,” I said. I didn’t open my eyes. She wasn’t expecting that. She stayed silent for several moments and I peeked my eyes open just to see what expression she was making. I’d like to have some warning if I was about to be murdered by a bear.

Her expression was more disgust than anger. Yep. Same Rachel. I sighed. “I know you understand duty to family,” I started. Rachel didn’t react. “But to understand why I did what I did you would have to understand the merits of subtlety over brute force. And I don’t think you can.” _There_ was the anger. “If you kill me Jake is going to be very mad at you,” I sing songed. She relaxed but she didn’t look happy about it.

“I’m not stupid,” Rachel growled. “I know when spying is a better choice than kicking the doors in. What I don’t understand is how you could leave us for one person. We could help. We _will_ try to help our Marco.”

“If it was your mom, or Sarah, or Jordan, what would you do?” I asked, already knowing the answer.

Rachel’s hands clenched at her sides, nails scraping the dirty floor, just from the very thought of her family being threatened. “I would tell Cassie, or Tobias, or Jake. We’d work as a team to get them free.”

I nodded. “Right. So why isn’t Tom free yet? What’s your big plan to rescue him?” Rachel opened her mouth to answer but then closed it again and glared at me. I know she knew what I was saying. Like I said, smart. “You haven’t done it because rescuing him would tip off the Yeerks that the Andalite Bandits are less blue than they thought.. Even Visser Three isn’t dumb enough to miss something like that.”

“But I would at least want to _try,_ ” she insisted.

“I am!” I snapped, suddenly losing patience. Rachel immediately tensed up and I forced myself to relax, to look as non-threatening as I was capable of looking. I even lowered my head for good measure while I took a couple deep breaths. “You have no idea what it’s like,” I said, eyes fixed on the floor. I couldn’t look her in the eye while I let myself show some vulnerability. It felt like exposing my belly to a wolf. “It’s…” I swallowed, trying to find a word that didn’t give away my true feelings too deeply. “ _Hard,_ ” I settled on. “Sometimes I wish I could just run back to you guys and join the team again, but I’m in too deep now. I couldn’t drop off of Yeerk radar without going to live with Ax and Tobias in the woods and I’m not made for camping. The only way out is through now.”

Again, there was silence, but this time when I looked up Rachel’s face was neutral. “If you ever need us over there,” she waved a hand to indicate my home universe, “Just ask. If we’re the same over there I know we wouldn’t hesitate to help you.”

My jaw dropped open. That was the last thing I had expected from her. I’m not sure she was right about the other universe being the same because I couldn’t imagine my Rachel saying that to me. I had to swallow down the sudden lump in my throat, but my voice was still raspy when I said, “Thanks. I’ll keep that in mind.”

* * *

Ax had the night shift, but I knew someone was nearby in owl morph. Maybe it was Tobias. Ax was another predictable variable, although I hadn’t interacted with him much before I left. But I knew Andalites and the disgust in his eyes was expected.

He had delivered the blanket and pillow Cassie had managed to convince the others to let me have, and I just wanted to try to sleep but I knew I couldn’t until Ax had said his fill. I was starting to feel like I was trapped in some messed up intervention, everyone having to say their piece and me having to defend myself. I could only stand the unwavering attention of Ax’s main eyes, stalk eyes constantly swiveling, for so long before I snapped. “So where do you want to start?” I asked, sounding too angry for my own safety. “You’re disgusted I could pretend to be a Yeerk? Spying not really a thing for you high and mighty Andalite warriors?”

Ax’s eyes widened briefly before narrowing into icy coolness. He almost reminded me of Visser Three. <I do not believe you are not a Controller. You are nothing like the Marco I know.>

“Finally someone agrees with me.” I didn’t actually agree, but I think things will be easier for the Marco that belongs in this universe if the Animorphs don’t understand how alike we are. I knew I couldn’t fool Cassie but she would keep it to herself.

<No,> Ax began. <If you are truly not a Controller I do not understand how you could pretend to be a Yeerk. You must see the atrocities they commit every day but you don’t do anything. There is no honor in that.>

I laughed humorlessly. “Oh, I do plenty. I’m _good_ , at what I do, thanks for asking. I cozied up to Visser One as fast as I could, and convinced her to make me her spy on Earth against Visser Three. I do whatever I can to make sure his invasion doesn’t go too well and threaten her, which is very convenient for all the free humans on Earth. I even tip you guys off every now and then if there’s no way for me to stop one of his plans by himself. Even Erek isn’t as well-informed as I am.”

Ax actually gave me the courtesy of thinking that over for a while. He hadn’t completed his warrior training, but strategy was basic. Finally, he spoke. < _That_ I can believe of our Marco. I still do not understand how you can pretend to be a Controller, but I can see the usefulness.>

That was the best I could expect from him. “Always happy to be useful,” I said dryly. “Now can I try to sleep without you chopping my head off with your tail?”

Ax glared at me again, but finally nodded regally, like he was a king pardoning a peasant. <You may sleep.>

“Gee thanks.” I didn’t sleep. The floor was hard and filthy and there was a person in the room who could kill me before I even saw it coming. Getting horizontal and resting my eyes felt good though. Ax and I left each other to our own thoughts until early morning when Tobias came to replace him.

* * *

At least with Tobias I wouldn’t have to deal with the messy facial expressions everyone else had regarded me with. The unrelenting fierceness in his eyes was a nice break.

“How was breakfast?” I asked. My own breakfast had been a McMuffin that Tobias had air dropped into my lap as he swooped through the open doorway of the shack.

<I lucked out and found a baby squirrel,> Tobias said in a monotone. He was trying to shock me, but I wouldn’t let him. He couldn’t. I had seen worse things than a creature following their instincts to stay alive.

“Awesome. I’m sure the local homeowners are happy to have one less thief.” Tobias adjusted his perch on the windowsill but said nothing else. “So where do you want to start?”I asked, “Everyone else has pumped me for information or accused me of being a selfish monster, what flavor are you going for?” I was being too harsh on the others. The fact that they had let me live and not killed me instantly was something I should have been kissing their feet for.

Tobias began casually preening, like he was pretending this was just a normal friendly chat and he wasn’t basically a prison guard. I didn’t know Tobias very well. Before I left I knew he was one messed up kid but we hadn’t talked since then. I couldn’t predict where he would go.

<How are you?> he asked. That was definitely not one of the pre-planned conversations I had in my head.

“Well,” I began slowly like I was talking to a child. “I was kidnapped out of my own universe and now I’m stuck in the middle of a forest being babysat by six people who can kill me. But I’m okay I guess.”

<I meant in your universe,> Tobias said, and I swear he sounded amused. Maybe I should make an effort to talk to the Tobias in my universe more. <It must be lonely.> Nevermind. I never needed to talk to my Tobias.

“Don’t,” I said shortly. I hated pity. I especially hated pity from people who were no better off than I was.

Tobias regarded me for a moment with his unwavering glare. <I’m not trying to give you pity.> God, did being stuck in morph that long make him psychic? <I don’t even know you. But I’m pretty good friends with our Marco so I guess I care about you too. I’m a jerk that way. If you aren’t a Yeerk that is.> I could hear a note of humor in his voice, like he was admitting that he didn’t believe that either. He went back to preening. <I’m just saying, I know a little bit about being alone and separate from humanity. If you don’t take care of yourself your entire plan might fall apart and then what happens to your mom, your dad, and your Animorphs?>

“I have it handled,” I said grumpily.

<I have no doubt,> he said, his tone wry.

* * *

By Sunday afternoon I was sick of the four filthy walls that I had been stuck in. I also knew who had the shift after Tobias and it was a showdown I wasn’t looking forward to. The other Marco hadn’t said a word to me since I let Tobias carry me here. I was in for either the most painful hours’ long conversation I’d ever had in my life, or the torture of pure silence as we both refused to talk to each other.

It looked like the other Marco was ready to be stubborn and stick to silence but after the first hour I couldn’t take it. I’d cataloged every crack and spiderweb in the stupid shack and in the silence my brain was starting to drift towards the worst case scenarios I had been trying to ignore. If I didn’t get back to my own universe then what would happen? Mom would stay a Controller forever, the Yeerks would probably win, all of the Animorphs, who I was now remembering I actually liked, would be enslaved. And I would be stuck here without a place to exist. I would never have my own life here. The best I could do was rejoin the fight and live in the woods with Ax and Tobias. The Big Mac Marco had literally tossed at me when he arrived started to go sour in my stomach, and not just because I was sick of McDonalds. I couldn’t let that happen, I couldn’t give up on my mom, and my dad still needed me. There had to be a way back, something we hadn’t thought of yet.

I knew the one question that would get the other Marco to break his silence. “How long has Dad been a Controller?” I asked. He jerked like I’d electrocuted him, and his skin went pale under his tan.

“Dad isn’t a Controller, we stopped that, don’t you remember?”

I felt like I’d been dunked into cold water. “Oh,” I said weakly.

Shock, and then - worst of all - pity, washed over the other Marco’s face. “When?” he asked hoarsely. I didn’t want to answer. I hadn’t even thought of that. It was better to know there’s nothing you could have done. I suddenly felt great pity for Jake. “When!” Marco snapped.

“A year ago,” I said dully. “I tried to stop him from going back to work because I knew it would make him a target but he did anyway and I was too busy trying to save mom, and then it was too late.” I stopped to catch my breath. The Big Mac was definitely trying to make a reappearance and I didn’t want to be trapped in this tiny shack with my own vomit for the next twelve hours. I swallowed the sticky spit in my mouth and focused very hard on keeping my lunch down.

“What do you mean you tried to stop him?” the other Marco demanded. I held my finger up, silently asking for a second to breathe and not puke. He didn’t let me have it. “No, tell me! What did you do?”

He knew, on some level he knew or he wouldn’t sound so horrified. “I did my best to keep him broken over mom,” I confessed. I saw the other Marco’s mouth thin into a tight line and then he nodded a grim, satisfied nod. Yeah, he knew. He’d probably thought about it himself, too, but he’d never done it, he never had to do it. “I tried to keep him on that crappy couch in that crappy apartment for as long as I could because I knew the second he went back to work he’d be suddenly interesting to the Yeerks.”

“But it didn’t work,” Marco stated hollowly.

I scoffed. “No, it didn’t work. He got over Mom anyway, because he wanted to be able to take care of me. He went back to work and the Yeerks snapped him up so quickly I didn’t even know what had happened until he came home and the Yeerk in his head gave me a report.” I pulled my knees up to my chest and rested my forehead between them. I spoke the next words to my thighs. “We moved to a bigger house for appearance but it’s _all_ appearance. As far as his Yeerk knows I’m just another Controller. We don’t pretend to be a family at home.” I would not lift my head to face the other Marco until the stupid, useless tears stopped soaking into my jeans. I did my best to keep my voice even but I think he knew. I was pretty sure if I looked up I would see tears in his eyes, too. “Visser One wants me on Earth but Visser Three keeps trying to push me into an off-world position. At least I can still keep an eye on dad.”

Marco wouldn’t accept that. “Why haven’t you tried to get him out? Erek could do for him what he’s doing for you.” I looked up just in time to see him hastily dash the tears from his eyes.

“It’s more complicated than that,” I sighed. My sleepless night suddenly felt like a physical weight on my shoulders.

The other Marco scrambled to his feet and pointed an accusing finger at me.“The hell it is!”

“Do you _really_ think dad could pretend to be a Controller?” I demanded, without much heat. I was too physically and emotionally exhausted to conjure up any anger. “Especially now that he knows exactly what happened to mom? He’d go after the first Yeerk he saw and die trying. It’s too complicated.”

I let the other Marco roll the word _complicated_ around in his mind. I’ve looked at it every way I can. My choices are I stick to my plan and get mom out somehow, and dad at the same time. Or I choose to save my dad now and give up on my mom. I saw when he connected the dots. It didn’t take very long.

“Right,” he said quietly. “Complicated.” He looked disgusted with his own logic. I knew the feeling well.

“Complicated,” I said, and ignored the fact that we were both thinking _cold blooded_.

The other Marco abruptly walked out of the shack. As far as I could see I was completely unguarded, but I didn’t try to leave. Where would I go?

* * *

My soul felt scrubbed raw after the conversation with the other Marco, but either Ax and Tobias had run out of things to say to me or they could tell I was two words away from a nervous breakdown and they let me be. I actually managed to get some sleep in the late afternoon heat and early evening. The floor was almost beginning to feel comfortable, and the blanket Cassie had insisted on was thin enough to keep me from overheating in the day but warm enough at night that I wasn’t comfortable but I wouldn’t freeze to death either. If I had any energy left for humor I might crack jokes about the Geneva Conventions that the Animorphs broke every time they captured someone. At least they hadn’t forced me to trap myself as a rat. Yet.

I was so tired I actually forgot that Cassie had taken the last shift of the three days. I was unprepared to deal with her when she walked into the shack to replace Tobias. Sloppy. In my universe I was good at being prepared for anything, I had to be. But here I’d started to let my guard down. Even though the last two days had been emotional hell it had almost been nice to get to know these people that I’d abandoned so long ago.

I could only sigh when I saw Cassie and she settled onto the floor across from me, cross legged. “Can you please do us both the favor of not pretending you only have my best interest in mind right now? Cut the crap, just start digging up my deep dark secrets already.”

Cassie looked stunned but stayed silent. Huh. I don’t think this universe’s Marco had ever called her out before. I might be ruthless but Cassie is almost worse. She’s just as manipulative as I am but she hides it under a big smile and kind eyes. Cassie is dangerous because she understands people so well. Her empathy means she knows exactly where to twist the knife to make your knees buckle, and you’d probably thank her for it. Let Cassie loose in an interrogation room and there would be no unsolved crimes.

Maybe that was just the Cassie I knew, but from what I had seen of the others I had no reason to suspect she was any different. I have no doubt she thinks she’s a kind and caring person, and she is, she really is. But like I said, dangerous too.

“Come on,” I pressed, eager to get this over with. “You don’t have to be nice to me. I’m no one to you. Your Marco is safe at home hanging out with dad right now.” I had let bitterness creep into my voice on the last sentence and I knew Cassie would pick up on that.

“What do you do on Sundays usually?” she asked curiously. I guess I’d want to know how a spy spends his leisure time too if I hadn’t been living it for the last two years. But just as likely she was probing the cracks in my armor.

“The same thing I do every day, try to take over the world.”

Cassie actually smiled. “You’re not that different from our Marco.”

“I would say he and I have to disagree.”

Cassie shook her head. “No,” she said gently, “You’re really not that different.”

Maybe I could shock her into stopping. “How many kids has _he_ recruited into the Sharing? How many little preteens has he encouraged to let aliens put a slug in their brain?”

Cassie’s eyes instantly hardened, but she didn’t back down. “What else have you done, Marco?”

God, the way she said my name. Like ice wrapped in a velvet blanket. I leaned back on my hands behind me and cocked my head, trying to look as smug as possible. “I’ll tell you mine if you tell me yours.”

I saw her flinch a little. Cassie really is a good person who worries about the moral cost of this war. But she’s not going to let that stop her from winning it. “I’ve been thinking about it,” she said carefully. “You said you pass on information to the other Animorphs over there, right?”

“Yep,” I sighed sarcastically. “You guys would be simply lost without me.”

“I’m sure you help a lot.” _Why_ did she have to sound so genuine? I knew what she was doing and I was still tempted to give into the comfort her voice was offering. She’d even put a small smile back on, it was only the coolness in her eyes that gave her away. “But what I was wondering _,_ ” Cassie continued, “Is that you can’t tell us everything. If you did the Yeerks would start to get suspicious that we suddenly knew all their plans. They would _have_ to know there’s a spy on the inside.”

Stop stop stop I begged her silently. I tried to keep my face frozen in the asshole mask I was wearing.

Cassie, unlike Tobias, didn’t seem to have the ability to read minds. Or she just didn’t care. “Marco told me you’re Visser One’s spy on Visser Three. Maybe he doesn’t suspect right away, I’m not sure he’s smart enough for that. But eventually suspicion would land on anyone he suspects of being associated with Visser One, and then what do you do?” She still sounded innocently curious.

“Cassie,” I said shortly. I straightened up out of my slouch. “Do you really want to ask what you’re about to ask? Do you want to know what I’m capable of, what _he’s_ capable of?” I gestured vaguely to indicate this universe’s Marco, probably watching a comedy with his dad right now, very aware of how lucky he is. “You can think whatever you want to think, but if you ask and I answer, that’s it. You can never unknow that. The group needs to _work_ ,” I stressed. “This could all fall apart if you start looking at Marco sideways.”

“What I already know about you and what you’re trying not to tell me? I know our Marco isn’t like you. He’s still here, he stuck with us. You made your own choice and it was a _hard_ choice. I can’t imagine what it’s been like for you. And I hope you do get what you want,” she insisted kindly. “I really hope you rescue your mom.”

I stood up, angry. Cassie stood up, too, but her eyes darted to the entrance of the doorway, like she was planning to run, not fight, if I attacked her. “I told you to do me the favor of not pretending you have my best interest in mind. I deserve a little more respect than that.” I wanted to pace, to leave, but I still had nowhere to go. “The difference between this universe and mine is _so_ small. The only reason your Marco is still around is because of some stupid little difference that we wouldn’t even be able to find with a _microscope_. I just happened to think faster than whatever that change was. He got lucky!” I was losing control. I tried to draw myself back in and breathe deeply, but my heart was pounding and it was a struggle not to gasp for air.

Cassie stayed quiet, watching me. I knew I hadn’t distracted her, she was just waiting until I had enough breath to answer her question. My heart had barely slowed down when she said, “What do you do to keep yourself safe?”

“Ha!” Game over. I collapsed to the ground again, suddenly more exhausted than I had felt in a long time. I pressed the heels of my hand into my eyes until I saw stars. “Oh, Cassie,” I sighed. “My body count is much, much higher than yours.” I let myself collapse against the crumbling wall of the shack and closed my eyes. I was done. I was ready to go home now.

“Thank you for your honesty,” Cassie said softly and I heard her sit down on the floor across from me. I refused to look at her, I looked up instead. She had brought a lantern into the shack. Bugs flocked to it and I watched their shadows on the ceiling. 

I stayed exactly as I was for the next couple of hours, my mind scrambled, jumping around from thought to plan to idea. I had the sense that _this_ was what I had been sent here for. Not to pass on information or help the Animorphs over here, but to have my skin flayed and my skull cut open and poked around in. “Do you think the Ellimist is trying to teach me to be a better person?”

“I thought about that too,” Cassie said, and her voice startled me. I hadn’t realized I’d spoken out loud until she responded. “I don’t think it was the Ellimist.”

I cracked open my eyes and my vision was blurry and gummy. “Crayak?” I asked, but I already knew. Now that she had said something it was so clear.

“Crayak,” she said grimly. “I don’t know what his plan was. Maybe he was trying to stop you from doing good in your universe.” I could hear the doubt in her voice.

“Or maybe he wanted me to cause chaos in this one. Make all of you doubt a member of the team and hope that’s the first domino that makes our victory fall apart.”

“Yeah,” Cassie said softly.

* * *

He had disappeared just as suddenly as he appeared in my room, Cassie called me to say she also said she hadn’t called the others. So Bizarro Marco was gone, back to his own world like Dorothy. I didn’t sleep at all after that. I dreaded school in the morning and the meeting we had scheduled after. I wanted to put off seeing the new looks in everyone’s eyes when they saw me. They all knew too much now. I would have been better off if we’d all just killed him when he first showed up.

That was a selfish thought but I didn’t care. He was nothing but selfish, I should get to be too. I tried to focus on the miserable life he led, without friends or a father, but instead of feeling satisfied I just felt sad. If his life was better I could hate him. Hell, maybe it was better and he said that to make me feel sorry for him. I snorted a laugh at my dark ceiling. I knew it wasn’t a lie. The grief on his face was real, I know what grief looks like on my face. And I can’t imagine _any_ version of me doing anything for pity.

If I didn’t have to turn in that stupid paper I would fake sick in the morning. But even without the paper I was just delaying the inevitable. I took a deep breath and let myself think about how they would all look at me now. Mistrust, anger, disdain, tiredness? Probably all of those things in various combinations depending on who it was. I was exhausted just thinking about it. I had to admit, Crayak’s plan was next-level genius. If I had known other universes existed before this I might have tried to do something like this myself.

I lay in my bed, nauseated, until dawn.


End file.
